Welcome home CarolynMarie – our humourous and valiant VH companion! I have missed you! I read your recent posts since you’ve returned from your trip but I was waiting for the right moment to find me before writing to you again. The moment is here. Thank you for all your healing help to me!

I don't like to hog all the space on the forum as there are so many great contributions and contributors. I have such a natural and easy relationship with words that I sometimes forget the value of the blank spaces and I rush to fill them all in!:) I also have an affliction that causes me to continue writing until I have purged my thoughts without anyone around to edit the length of my posts!:)

The essence of you is easily understood, and I can tell you that I know you will have no issues with creating your legacy, as in my view you are well on your way, and I pray that you will have lots of time to continue your labour of love! You are such a deeply generous and spirited person with so much sparkle and love in your voice when you write that it is beyond comprehension that you and your life will not be celebrated and memorable. Your nearest and dearest know these truths much better than as I am sure you are aware.

Actually, it is your deep level of self awareness and razor sharp insight that impresses me beyond any words I can write. Your ideas for making a video – a day in your life (cannot imagine any of your days being ordinaryJ); baby blankets for your daughter’s babies, your future grandchildren (who doesn’t weep at the very thought? Touching; your legacy letters for your children and a special box filled with snippets of meaningful moments and memories; everything you’re planning to gift your loved ones with is perfect! You are as always inspiring, and I plan to follow suit.

When you finish you book I will gladly devour each and every page, as I do every word you write! I am a patient person, so I will gladly wait for however long it takes you to complete your story and I hope it will take you many, many years!

I think each moment we live will one day be our legacy and that’s why it is so important to live each day well, as well as we possibly can given the circumstances we are in.

To live well, means to me, living fully, experiencing all that life and love offers us and requires from us as we pass along the truths of our hearts and our acquired wisdom to others.

A knowing glance between lovers when silence speaks loudly our love, a child’s embrace when we comfort them after a nightmare or a bad day at school, a loving lecture to teens as we strive to prepare them for adulthood and for life without our constant protection, a smile from mother to child when we try be stern and fail; difficult conversations between family or friends that make us question their loyalty or ours only to discover love is unquestionably true; embracing the trials in life with grace and feeling gratitude for each lighthearted moment of laughter; practising peace in our hearts and accepting that sometimes turmoil will hold us captive as life reminds us that we are human, these and all of our unique experiences, each one coloured with a lesson, an emotion, a connection, a significance, a memory, each instant of our lives embroider our souls with an individual design of who we are, how much we mean to others, and how well we will be remembered.

We are the legacy. No one who loves us can ever forget us nor we them. The quality of love is in my opinion eternal, it cannot die, it has a memory and it cannot be extinguished from the hearts of those we love in this life or the next. I believe that my Mom and I will be reunited on the other side of this life, and while I cannot explain how that will happen or what form we will be in when it happens, I know I will recognize her and she me by the perpetual love that lives on in each of us eternally.

Claudia – welcome to Virtual Hospice! Thank you for sharing your ideas about asking the difficult questions with CarolynMarie – it is a fabulous idea! The intimacies you’ve shared about your Mom through your dreams and your memories is so lovely. Healing has a way of finding us no matter where or how long we hide, and I think you will find your writing will help you as much as it is helping others like me! I will be responding to your other posts, if not this evening, tomorrow. I relate deeply to how you express yourself and the way you are missing your Mom! 

Hatty: Please keep trying to post - the issues of the past day are unusual! If this finally posts - was trying all night to get it on - thanks to the VH techies and to Colleen for following up!:) 

So lovely ladies, hugs to you both, until next time, may our earthly and otherworldly angels keep guiding our pens. Have a wonderful day all!

Cath1

Hi CarolynMary,

Like you, I have a teenage girl (15½yrs), and I did a couple of things for her when I was diagnosed stage IIIb in 2009.  As it was an agressive type of breast cancer, I didn’t took any chance and here is what I did. 

I started a blog – in fact 2.  One was to write down the 12 agendas of her life I had written since I was pregnant.  Everithing about her is there, from the fever to the first word, the last baby tooth, our discussions, and even some drawing of her while breastfeeding. After a number of pages, I let it down it was too hard on my mental health to read all this. So I let it like this in the agenda, and place them in a little box, with all her childhood souvenirs (and her own baby blanket that my mother had knitten for her, she will be able to use with her own baby if she wants.   The second blog was a bit of everything while I was on treatments, with poems and some thoughts from me, to her.

I also have written birthday cards, and I’m happy I was able to give her two of them.  I have made one special for her 18^th birthday with a letter in it.  I am planning on doing some more.

I also have a couple of gift already bought, and I have a box I started filling with objects she may use in her first appartment.

Having a recurrence since last February, I feel I need to rush in this, but this time I find it really hard to do so.  Spending more valuable time with her every weeks is a priority for me.

Take care,
Suzanne